Okay so I wasn’t going to post this, but I just feel compelled to. I’ll be honest it bothered me at the time it happened more because I was drunk (therefore more emotional) but this is some texts from one of my best guy friends this past week when we got drunk. It’s not the first time this has happened, but it will be the last. Well the last time that I will put up with it as his friend.
Before he sent the top text I had told him I wouldn’t have sex or kiss him.
A little back story- I did sleep with him once over a year ago. At the time he was on a break from his girlfriend. We were fairly new friends, but getting to be really good friends. At this point I was in love with J but wouldn’t really admit it and he knew that—and called me out on it, frequently. For me it was just sex and I thought at the time it was just that for him too because he was so persistent in trying to sleep with me at the time. Anyways it happened and a while later he got back with his gf, which I was good with-because I didn’t want anything with him. While they were back together that same school year, he tried to sleep with me again- to which I said no and anyways he was just kind of being dumb and messing around trying to get me to kiss him etc. Eventually it got to the point where I had to physically push him off of me (he had only kissed me a few times without my permission) anyways he backed off and basically it had triggered the summer before that for me- so I was crying and basically went off on him and then I left. Later that night he found me after he went and told his gf what happened because he felt so bad and such- and he came and apologized and we actually had a really good talk about it and we were good after that. He didn’t try anything else with me that year and we continued to be good friends.
This year we continued to be great friends- he is still with his gf and they were on track to get engaged when he can afford a ring. Also I was dating J at the beginning of the year and I think that was good too for him backing off. A few days after J dumped me, I had gone over to this friends room to talk to him because J was in the student center and I didn’t want to see him (I was an emotional mess). And so I went and hung out with him and at some point while I was there he suggested me sleeping with him again. I yelled at him and left after that and I was so pissed and whatever. So he apologized again and we had a great talk and we were cool again. Then about a month and a half later he drunk called me at like 3 in the morning basically saying that he loves me and I never gave him a chance and I didn’t ever care about him and that I don’t love him and I don’t care what happens to him. Stuff about us having something special and I just don’t care and I’m not sorry about anything etc. Lot’s of shit. Meanwhile he is still in a relationship wit his current gf. I cried and yelled at him- the usual. Then when he’s sober and whatnot the next day or next week-whenever he apologizes we talk and are good again.
Then him and two of our other friends come over last week to drink and just chill before finals. before they came over he texted me asking if we could get drunk and make love, I said no. He asked if we could kiss, I said no. he said me and *insert gf name here* are on a break seriously. I still say no. They come over. Everything is good we’re just chilling and whatnot. He keeps trying to put his hand on my leg and play footsie etc whatever, I shrug it off because I wasn’t gonna lead him on and I wasn’t feeling it. So the night goes on we’re drunk its all good. We decided to go smoke outside and somehow him and I get into an argument about something he said to me that was completely rude (I don’t remember what because I was so drunk and it didn’t matter). So his friend is like dude- lets go talk it out so he calms him down and makes him apologize to me which wasn’t sincere but whatever he was drunk. We go back inside and he eventually asks me again if I’ll sleep with him to which I say no. The other guys were about to leave bc my friend was gonna crash on the couch. So he gives me a hug and starts to like kiss my neck and stuff like that so I push him away and am just like “dude no” and whatever else so he gets mad and leaves with the other guys. Which was probably a good thing.
That is where the texting above comes into play. I don’t really remember at which point or about what but I called him because I wasn’t gonna put up with him being such a dick while he was here but I don’t remember what I said all I know is I ended up bawlin my eyes out while on the phone and yeah.
Basically I’m really trying to stop letting him being drunk be an excuse for treating me like shit and calling me a slut because I’m not sleeping with him. If this was happening to one of my friends or really any other girl I would tell them to stop putting up with it. I’m trying so hard to convince myself that it was a big deal, and I think that it sucks so much that I really don’t care that I let guys treat me like this and get away with it- it seriously just leads right into rape culture and slut shaming and I’m sick of it. I’m sick of guys thinking this type of behavior towards women (and especially their friends) is okay and acceptable.
I also just found it ironic that the last guy I slept with that I didn’t have some form of relationship with was him. so the “sleep with me like any other guy” comment doesn’t even apply to my life anymore. I’ve been trying really hard to stop with the one night stands and he knows that anyways. Which as my friend I feel like he should actually respect.